Communicating is about more than just writing well. Many people (and AI tools) can share the necessary information about a topic without ever moving people to act, much less build trust in an organization.
A good communicator knows how to take information an organization needs to share and make it into something an audience wants to know about.
The key to getting someone to act (change their daily routine, comply with a new law, make a donation, register for an event, pay for medical benefits, volunteer their time, work harder and more efficiently, etc.) is to put them first. How? Answer their default question: “What’s in it for me?”
By showing an audience that we understand that they are the heart of our business and we want to help them survive, thrive and win at work and life, we not only gently persuade them to do what we need them to do, but we also build trust and loyalty over time.
Below are some examples of how an experienced communicator who knows your audience well — especially the problems they face — and knows how to communicate with them can change your communications from business megaphone to success sidekick in the eyes of your audiences.
If you were reading these snippets in a newsletter, which versions would you respond to?
Tell them what’s happening
The “early-career communicator” text under each example below shows an example of a traditional communications tool that I myself wrote or edited in past roles. Notice the language, style and who seems to be the most important person/entity in the article. (Hint: It’s not the reader.)
Answer, “What’s in it for me?”
With the benefit of more than 25 years of experience and a deeper knowledge of the psychology of human thinking, business acumen, persuasion and “sticky” ideas, the “experienced communicator” text under each example below shows how I would rewrite each example today.
Example 1
Communications tool: A package of handouts presented to businesses asking them to become a corporate sponsor
of The Parks Foundation of Hendricks County
Early-career Communicator
The actual content (excerpt)
Support ALL Foundation Activities
Please consider becoming our partner in enriching and expanding a natural Hendricks County. Your support will allow Hendricks County Parks to continue to:
- provide hundreds of high-quality environmental and cultural programs to approximately 15,000 school children, scouts and families in 2017
- expand natural green space in Hendricks County
- develop nature attractions within our parks
- continue to offer wellness opportunities.
Thank you for considering this partnership to benefit a natural Hendricks County!
Why become a partner?
Your support will increase the opportunity for the Foundation to raise the funds necessary to expand and enhance Hendricks County parks and programs. It will also create a new educational, cultural or fitness experience for our community.
[Content continued with information about each partnership level and recognition opportunities for sponsors.]
What the reader “hears” or thinks
“You need my money, and if I donate, you’ll be able to do more for the parks in the community.”
Experienced Communicator
How I would rewrite the content today
Provide a place of rest and renewal for generations to come.
Stressful times. Family picnics. Bike rides. Dog walks.
Where can you go for peace, gatherings, exercise and fun when time is short, travel is out of the question and you just want a little fresh air without a price tag attached?
Your local park.
Through your business, you can help ensure the parks and green spaces available to you are not only still around but even better for future generations. It’s as simple as becoming a corporate sponsor of the Parks Foundation of Hendricks County.
With donations that range from $1,000 to $15,000, you can help:
- Provide hundreds of high-quality cultural and environmental programs to approximately 15,000 school children, scouts and families in 2017
- Expand the green footprint of Hendricks County by helping purchase land for future parks and green spaces
- Ensure your family, friends, future generations and YOU can find a natural wellness and learning resource within a short walk or drive for years to come.
Interested in supporting the parks and green spaces that support you and others? Simply call or email today.
What the reader “hears” or thinks
“I love my local park, and I want my kids, grandkids and neighbors to have a place to go for peace, recreation and learning, too. It sounds like it’s easy to make sure that happens.”
Example 2
Communications tool: The Comfort of Experience, a booklet about the labor, delivery, postpartum and newborn care options available at St. Francis (now called Franciscan Health)
Early-career Communicator
The actual content (excerpt)
Continued care
The Pediatrics Unit at our Indianapolis campus provides specialized care to children from infancy through 17 years of age. We care for children with a variety of medical and surgical conditions. The pediatrics staff embraces a family-centered philosophy. We recognize that in caring for the child, we must care for the needs of the entire family. We encourage parents to be active participants in their child’s care during hospitalization.
Other services offered to you and your child while hospitalized include:
- Special menus for children and teens
- Play activities, including video game stations, VCRs, games, toys and crafts
- Pet therapy – a specially trained companion dog visits the Pediatrics Unit weekly
- Educational videos and handouts specific to your needs
- Chairbed for parent to spend the night
- A volunteer “friend” to stay with your child when you are unable to do so
What the reader “hears” or thinks
“Your staff provides health care for kids until they’re 17 years old. They’re good at what they do. They provide things for my kids to do while they’re in the hospital. And I can stay overnight with them, if I need to.”
Experienced Communicator
How I would rewrite the content today
Care doesn’t stop at birth
If a medical or surgical condition affects your child at any time — from infancy through age 17 — the pediatrics care team is ready to support both you and your child every step of the way.
Our family-centered philosophy doesn’t stop at making sure you have a comfortable place to stay the night in your child’s hospital room — although that’s a must. Our commitment to that philosophy means we encourage you to be an active participant in your child’s care during hospitalization, and we will care for your needs while we care for your child’s.
From providing easy access to resources for you to learn about your child’s condition, to providing a caring volunteer to stay with your child when you are unable to do so, we happily go beyond common expectations to ease the challenges that arise when you have a child who is hospitalized.
We will also make your child’s stay as comfortable as possible. We have special menus for children and teens, video game stations and toys, craft supplies and even pet therapy dogs who will visit the unit once a week.
What the reader “hears” or thinks
“If my child ends up in the hospital, I will be taken care of as well as my child. And you will include me in care decisions that affect my kid.”
Example 3
Communications tool: Brochure for Leach & Sons Water Systems
Early-career Communicator
The actual content (excerpt)
[Introductory content (no headline): Open brochure, left panel]
At Leach & Sons Water Systems, it is our goal to provide you with top-quality water at a competitive price. With more than 20 years of success behind us, we have not only perfected our products, but also our service.
A second-generation, family-owned and operated company, every customer and project receives the personal touch it deserves.
The Leach family has been providing water conditioning services to Hendricks County and surrounding areas since 1982. From the beginning, Paul Leach has made honesty, integrity and reliability standard practice at Leach & Sons Water Systems.
With his sons—Rex, Doug and Craig—at his side, Paul’s ambitions for the company continue to flourish. Not only are we insistent on delivering products of the highest quality, we also ensure our customers receive the courteous, prompt and reliable service they deserve.
From extravagant water systems to simple salt deliveries, all of our customers are valued customers.
At Leach & Sons, you will like our service and love your water!
…
[Later in the brochure]
Free water analysis
At no cost or obligation, Leach & Sons will have an experienced water specialist visit your home to perform a complete water analysis. …
What the reader “hears” or thinks
“Your business has been around for 20 years and was founded by a man and his sons. You provide what I am assuming are standard water-treatment options.”
Experienced Communicator
How I would rewrite the content today
Your water. Our passion.
Make sure the water in your home is clean, clear and safe to use and drink. Our team makes it easy.
The family behind Leach & Sons Water Systems (our founder, Paul, and his sons, Rex, Doug and Craig) is passionate about your water — and passionate about serving customers like you.
Whether you…
- are unsure about the quality of your water and want a fair, honest and free evaluation
- have had a water-purification and -softening system for years
- simply need salt delivered to your home for your softener
- fall somewhere in between
…our team knows how to ensure you have the finest water possible available.
Honesty, integrity and reliability are standard practice with Leach & Sons Water Systems. And we are committed to providing courteous, prompt and reliable service. After all, it is our mission to make sure you like our service and love your water!
What the reader “hears” or thinks
“Clean, safe water is so important. I want my water to be clean and safe, and it sounds like you’ll make it easy to make sure it is. It sounds like your team is qualified, no matter what my needs are. And it sounds like you’ll take care of me as a customer. I should seriously consider this.